No. 5 MORGAN and THE RETURN OF THE NOT QUITE INSIDE NOT QUITE OUTSIDE MAN

If you have read my last entry you would know that I have been pondering the future of this project.
If you haven’t read my last entry you can read it now and when you finish it you will come to learn that I have been pondering the future of this project.
Or alternatively you can read the last few sentences again and when you get to the end of this sentence you will have been informed at least three times that I have been pondering the future of this project.

Yes it’s been fun so far but seriously, how long exactly am I going to do this? And why am I really doing it? Such questions plagued me! But then if I was unsure about the future then there was someone amongst my strangers, the very people who I was unsure about who could help me!
I am talking about my first coffee recipient, "No.1 Greg," the guitarist-illustrator-screenwriter-photographer.
Why enlist a guitarist-illustrator-screenwriter-photographer to answer my questions? Because Greg can predict the future!
Yes he can!
No, I’m not nuts and no neither is he! For amongst Greg’s many other professions Greg is also an astrologer and I decided to enlist in his cosmic fortune-telling abilities!

When I first met Greg at Café Boungiorno I was initially drawn to him because his table was positioned in such a way that it was neither, inside or outside the café. It was literally smack bang in the middle of the opened glass doors. It was bizarre! I immediately became obsessed. I was bothered so much with trying to decide whether he was inside or outside that I ended up talking to him.
Needless to say when he suggested we meet at Café Boungiono again I was very intrigued to see where he would be sitting! I was FAR more excited about this than any astrological wisdom or mystical jiggery pokery he may to tell me.
But alas when I arrived there was no Greg!
It was I who had to decide where to sit. Shit!
But then I spied the very table at which Greg was sitting on that Friday night only a month ago to find it had been MOVED! It was a hot day so the glass doors were shut providing no chance for any table, man or animal to be neither outside or inside the café.

So where was the table now? Inside or Outside I sense you thinking. (I can now sense you thinking how it is that I can ‘sense you thinking.’ Just accept it. I now sense you thinking that just saying I can isn’t really adequate proof at all and that I’m talking crap. But then I just illustrated my point didn’t I! Confused aren’t you. See. I just proved it again)
However, I have decided that I will not reveal whether the table was inside or outside just yet and you will have to wait. This is because I’m an arsehole.

When "No. 1 Greg" arrived I was a bit excited.
Now whether you believe in astrology and other such hocus pocus or not, one can’t get a little bit tingly moments before their future is about to be foretold.
Now when I say tingly, I perhaps maybe mean I was carrying on like a big girls blouse.
Ooohh! Would he tell me all about my true love? Would I be rich? Famous? Would I get to meet Bert Newton? And most importantly when were they going to freakin’ release the complete series of the Wonder Years on DVD!?

Unfortunately Greg couldn’t tell me that. But the bloke at JB Hi-fi did! "Wow you should be an astrologer!’ I said to him. He didn’t seem to get what I was talking about. But I’m generally used to that kind of reaction from people now.

But back to Greg. According to his chart my sun sign is Leo, my rising sign is Aquarius and I have a number of planets aligned in my 6th and 7th houses.
Yeah I know! Who’d of thought hey!
But apparently this means my life will be dominated by creativity, the spotlight, working very hard and struggling for the approval of people in authoritative positions. That last two bits sucked balls a bit but it could have been worse. At least he didn’t say I would never meet Bert Newton.

But I was really hoping Greg’s analysis of the mighty planets would give some sort of hint about what was going on with this bothering strangers thing.
It was then that Greg looked at my immediate future and said the next two years will be mostly centered on people and relationships. He said that closeness with people would become a very dominant part of my life in the next while.
I got very excited! Bert Newton was a person! Though he didn’t say the words ‘Bert’ or ‘Newton’ at all I was convinced Greg was basically saying I would marry Bert Newton within the next two years. Brilliant! High 5’s all round!

And though the stars didn’t say "You should go and meet strangers for coffee," the idea that I’d be spending more time with people gave me a bit of a confidence boost. I mean it may have been vague, but if people were going to be my thing for the next while, then I was certainly taking a step in the right direction. I suddenly felt a lot more accepting of the whole project. I bid Greg farewell feeling more at ease and generally more positive about what I was doing.

So the next day I strode into the Myer Centre feeling more confident and self-assured. Without much thinking at all I spotted a guy wearing a brown hat reading a newspaper and waltzed right up to him.
He asked a lot of questions about why I wanted to have coffee with him and I was pretty certain he was going to reject me. Even when he’d said yes and we lined up at Gloria Jeans something seemed hesitant about him.
I was starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable. I think he sensed this because he started to look a bit uncomfortable too. This seemed to increase the closer we got to the teller.
I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to worry about having a coffee with me if he didn’t want to. And then he began to open his mouth so it looked like he was going to save me the trouble.
"I feel kinda bad about this.."
Here we go.
"..It’s just I’m getting a free coffee out of you for this.."
You got to be joking I thought! What a lame reason to bail on me! This man was clearly a disgrace, a felon, a criminal!
"That’s ok," I said, waiting to see what this vile creature would do next.
"MM.. well…maybe…I’ll buy you one as well then."
Me one as well? Me one AS WELL! I fell in love with him immediately!
He had genuinely felt bad! And he was going to have not one, but at least two coffees with me! He was in for the long haul!! This man was clearly a star, a legend, an angel!
And right from that second a great meeting of the minds took place! It was an inspired, flowing interaction full of connecting and conversing and laughing and inspiring, just the sort of communication Greg had talked about.

THE MORGAN FACT FILE!
AGE: 24
STATUS: Married.
FAVORITE SONG: Humming Birds by Seals and Crofts
FAVORITE FILM: The Big Lebowski
FAVORITE BOOK: The Mold in Dr Florey’s Coat: The Discovery of Penicillin
FAVORITE YEAR OF LIFE: Each year has been an improvement on the last. Three years ago life was great and now life is even better and he has been getting happier and happier which has been very gratifying for him.

GOAL FOR NEXT 12 MONTHS: To be useful. Morgan is on holidays now and he feels that he isn’t doing much and wants to contribute as much as he can to the world. He doesn’t feel complete in himself unless he’s doing something good for someone. What a great guy!!
I told Morgan I didn’t feel complete without my arms, legs and head.
Morgan laughed at what was really a lame joke.
I liked him even more now.

SOMETHING THAT EXCITES MORGAN IS: Learning how things work. He’s fascinated by popular science and the where’s, why’s and how’s of the world around him.

SOMETHING THAT PISSES MORGAN OFF IS: Morgan tries hard not to think about these things, but he is frustrated by people who never question things or who don’t consider that perhaps where, when and to whom they were born may be a significant reason behind the beliefs they have.

A BELIEF MORGAN WOULD INSTILL IN PEOPLE IF HE HAD THE POWER OF BRAINWASHING IS: To make people question things and the world around them.
To Morgan it doesn’t matter what you believe but it’s how you chose to believe it.

A QUESTION MORGAN DECIDED TO ASK ME WAS… My life story. ANSWER: My life story.

THOUGHTS WHEN I INITIALLY ASKED HIM FOR COFFEE: That I wanted his newspaper. Then that someone had dared me to approach him. Then that he might be on some TV program. Then guilt for getting a free coffee out of me.

THOUGHTS AFTERWARDS: That I have a title and structure for what I’m doing but that my motivations for doing it are probably somewhat deeper. That I should keep this as an ongoing project because it seems that I am searching for something that I may not quite know yet.

OTHER THINGS YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT MORGAN!
*Morgan finds a parrot that sings the theme song to ‘The Golden Girls’ more threatening than a kitten whose paws leak out red biro.
*His wife however is PETRIFIED of kittens! In fact she has nightmares about them regularly!
*Morgan is obviously not a kitten (or he’d have a different wife)
* Morgan is from Newcastle and has been here two years to study dentistry.
* Morgan used to regularly rock up at peoples houses with a bunch of mates and some gardening equipment and offer to do their gardening for free.
* Some of his mates are of Middle-Eastern background and after September 11 the extent of people not accepting their offer declined so radically that it just became to ‘awkward’ and they sadly decided to stop doing it.

I was touched by Morgan’s genuine interest in humanity and goodwill and was saddened that he wasn’t mowing other people’s lawns anymore.
Mainly because it meant the chances of someone doing my lawn for free had now decreased, but also the idea of people losing their will to do good for others didn’t sit to well with me.
But then Morgan told me that his fellow do-gooders met every 3rd Sunday of the month at the State Gallery for an event called ‘Soul Food.’
I was pretty hungry so my eyes lit up when he mentioned food.
So Morgan went on to say it was put on by the Baha’i society.
Baha'i was obviously some new restaurant and so I asked him to tell me more.
Somehow I’d got it wrong, (a rare occurrence) and The Baha'i Society was actually a sort of new religion with a goal to unite humanity and to acknowledge that all religions, people, cultures and nations were equal and had something important to say.
With eyes somewhat watering Morgan talked of a hope for a world where humans loved and appreciated each other and the environment around them.
I couldn’t help be moved by Morgan’s passion and he offered to meet the same time the next day and give me books I might find equally as inspirational.
I told him I couldn’t as I was going to be walking around with a giant eyeball on my head.

(See above. Ha! And you thought I was a lier!)

But I could an hour after that.

So we arranged to meet again and he promised to get ME a coffee when we did.
This was awesome! My strangers were asking me for coffee now!
And this was just the beginning! Who knows if I played my cards right maybe they’d be giving me cars and helicopters soon too!
I hoped this is what Morgan meant by there being something deeper to what I was doing.
I wasn’t sure if there actually was or wasn’t something deeper but it didn’t matter. To just be interacting and strengthening my closeness to people generally as Greg suggested was good enough for me. Particularly if I was getting free stuff every now and then!

Until next time Mark, Morgan and Greg (again!)

PS. It was Inside.

No. 4 MICHELLE

Once again I found myself walking through the Myer Center Food Court, a place that is fast becoming the official "Can I Get You A Coffee" meeting place.
But only hours before this I had a pretty odd experience. Since I started this project, strangers were now beginning to approach me!

There I was on my laptop at Café Bourngiono trying to understand a bizarre message fellow comedian Trav Nash had left on my ‘My Space’ profile.*

*For those who aren’t ‘with it,’ My Space is an online community where you basically have your own web page where you can display a profile, your favorite movies, books, sports, episode of ‘Growing Pains’ and other interests as well as photos and even videos of yourself. Other people can view this profile and if they like you and your favorite Kirk Cameron moment they can ‘add’ you to their ‘Friends’ page. There are more than 2 billion people on the planet with a My Space profile! Therefore making it possible to have 2 billion friends!!
This will come in very handy if some drunk guy decides to shove you in a pub!

Suddenly a pretty young girl walked behind me and said "Hey add me if you want. I’m listed as ‘Grey eyes.’ And then she sat at a table close by.
So I typed "Grey eyes" into the search engine but the profile of some angry black guy from Colorado came up.
Suddenly I was intrigued. Maybe this sweet girl had a mental disorder where she thought she was actually a gangster rapper. Oh this was GREAT!! The exact sort of person I'd need in a pub-fight scenario!!I noticed she was sitting with an older woman who I deduced was her concerned mother or carer or parole officer.
"Hey! Nice beard!" I called to her pointing at her photo.
"That’s not me," she laughed. "Refine the search to people in Adelaide."
Somewhat disappointed I found her actual profile, added her as ‘friend’ and strangely didn’t talk to her again until she’d left me a message on my profile the next morning.
What a surreal way to meet someone! A ‘real’ person had asked to be my ‘internet’ friend. Usually this happens in the reverse order and often the police and restraining orders follow from that.
As odd as it was I thought it was great!! These online communities were seemingly making people more approachable and friendly to each other in the wider world! I certainly was finding people were a lot more open to me and my strange project than I was expecting.
But then I was very good at selecting people who seemed quite approachable. Like MICHELLE for example, who I found sitting quietly in the Myer Center finishing off a vanilla soft serve ice cream.
So how does one appear approachable? Mmm. I’m not sure. She had frizzy hair. But so does the Bride of Frankenstein and she’s hardly approachable, even in her better moods.
But my assessment was obviously correct because when I asked her for coffee, rather than spitting on my face or shooting me with a crossbow while tiny devils flew out of her ears and stabbed me in the eye with pitchforks she said ‘yes.’
Interestingly she had actually seen me perform on stage about 6 months ago at PJ Obriens and apparently I had talked in length to her boyfriend Jason after the show.
So if she’s seen me before was she really a stranger then? Mmmm. Would I have to snatch her hot chocolate away and give it to someone else instead!
I contemplated it.
But then I felt bad about not remembering her or her beloved Jason and having to call off our drink might be the last straw and indeed cause the little devils to fly out her ears and poke me in the eyes with pitch forks. So I decided she WAS a stranger but just one who had watched me from afar.
Actually this definition makes her sound like a stalker.
Actually it didn’t at all until I brought it to everyone’s attention just now. But just for the record NO Michelle is NOT stalking me or anyone else I’m sure. Though I can’t be 100% sure of this fact, I mean she seemed lovely and genuinely harmless but I don’t know her 100% well enough to say definitely that she isn’t a stalker. Who knows, maybe she was stalking this ‘Jason’ guy. I certainly don’t remember him! Maybe he doesn’t even exist at all!!! Maybe she’s completely delusional, had escaped from an institution and was about to blow up the entire world and I was the only one who could stop her.. alright perhaps I’m taking this way to far and I should probably change subject now before I get poked in the eye by little devils.

Michelle has only just recently moved to Adelaide from Perth to be with Jason (who for the record I am CERTAIN is real) after being in a long distance relationship with him since 2004. Leaving her family and close friends behind has definitely been a challenge and it’s Michelle’s ambition to start up a home massage and beauty-therapy clinic here.

THE MICHELLE FACT FILE

AGE: 35
STATUS: Relationship
FAVORITE SONG: Depends on the mood. Currently it’s John Meyer
FAVORITE MOVIE: Currently ‘Step Up’
FAVORITE BOOK: ‘Cause of the Soul’. Thomas Moore.
FAVORITE YEAR: 2004. WHY: The year she finally felt a strong direction in her life accompanied with a feeling of everything ‘coming together’ after years of self-analysis and spiritual investigation.

GOAL FOR NEXT 12 MONTHS: To achieve independence in Adelaide. i.e. to get a place of her own and get her business up and running.

SOMETHING THAT EXCITES MICHELLE IS: Achievement

SOMETHING THAT PISSES MICHELLE OFF IS: People who lie and manipulate when they could just be direct and honest about what they want out of other people.

A BELIEF MICHELLE WOULD INSTILL IN PEOPLE IF SHE HAD THE POWER OF BRAINWASHING IS: You can do anything you want to!

A QUESTION MICHELLE DECIDED TO ASK ME WAS: What’s your background?
ANSWER: My mother was born in Italy and moved down here with her family when she was 4. I’m only half Italian but tend to become more Italian in manner depending on how many Italians are in the room.

THOUGHTS WHEN I INITIALLY ASKED HER FOR COFFEE: Apparently Michelle actually saw me walk past, had recognised me and was quite intrigued when I’d looked back. She enjoyed the spontaneity and felt my approach was open and sincere.
Michelle also was feeling in a bit of a rut and was feeling a lack of spontaneity so having something out of the ordinary like this happen felt refreshing.

THOUGHTS AFTERWARDS: That she’d had an interesting time.

OTHER THINGS YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT MICHELLE:
*Michelle finds a puppy who can breathe fire more threatening than a shark who is petrified of Justin Timberlake’s music.
*Michelle admits she likes Justin Timberlake. Particularly the song ‘Rock Your Body’
*Michelle therefore is obviously not a shark.
*Michelle’s grandmother is Lebanese.
*Michelle is interested in spirituality.

Meeting strangers has become quite fun and I’m starting to get quite good at it. But really what’s the point? And how long am I going to keep it up? Will I stop when I meet a certain number? Maybe I won’t stop? How long into the future am I going to keep doing this? I started to worry about it. Probably quite unnecessarily. But then I suddenly realised one of my strangers could help me. If I was concerned with the future of this project and about the future in general there was someone indeed who could help answer my questions. So I decided to track him down.……..

Until Next Time,
Mark, Michelle and Grey Eyes.