No. 3 KEVIN

Due to recent success I decided to once again visit the Myer Center Food Court to find my next victim.

I also decided to stop referring to these people as victims.
This is for two reasons.

First, I don’t want you think I plan to kill them. You may get excited, become under the impression this is a tale of blood-fest and horror, find that it isn’t and all I did was have coffee with them, become furious and demand I pay for your time.

Secondly victim implies these people are not willing counterparts and have been physically forced into our exchange beyond their fancy. This is certainly not the case and I like to think they may even enjoy themselves. I guess I can’t guarantee this, hey they may not enjoy themselves at all, but at least they can say they’ve had a FREE coffee that day and heck how many people can rest their heads on their pillow saying that?

Maybe quite a few but at least they have an interesting story to tell at work or at a party or to their wife during dinner. Even if the story begins with the words .. "Boy I met this absolute dick-finger today…."

If No.3 ‘Kevin’ does indeed use such a phrase to describe me then I will feel quite bad as he didn’t even get a free coffee out of it.
"Sure you can meet me," he said with a smile. "But don’t worry about the coffee."
This was a great start to our meeting and immediately I had a good feeling about him. I think this may have had something to do with the fact I’d just saved myself 6 bucks.

What made me approach Kevin in the first place was that he was looking at a map. Part of me hoped he was an explorer or an archaeologist and that by meeting him we would end up having an adventurous journey involving ancient ruins, stolen artifacts, spiders, Mummies and Sean Connery’s beard.

Then I got excited! He had luggage too! YES! He WAS going on an adventurous journey! But as I got closer I saw the map was just of Adelaide bus-routes.
DAMN! At least I was right about the journey. It was just a far less exciting one involving pubic transport.

But there could still be stolen artifacts involved! They were just most likely to be from Cash Converters than from a temple. And there could still be beards! But they were just more likely to belong to some old Italian ladies rather than Sean Connery.

It turned out that Kevin’s journey actually involved a trip to Olympic Dam.
Exactly what Kevin was doing there or what he does in general was a bit hard to comprehend and to be honest I don’t think I’ve got my head around it.
It’s something about computers. Yep. Computers. And slightly more sophisticated than playing solitaire.

Based in Sydney, Kevin works for a company that builds and maintains the infrastructure, cabling and networking of computer systems for large corporations. His mission to Olympic Damn involved setting up a computer workstation in the control-room of a mining site there.
I must’ve looked confused because he pulled out a very intriguing floor plan of the control-room for me to have a look at. I’d never seen a floor plan of a control room before and I immediately fantasised we were secret agents plotting our next dangerous mission. YES! AWESOME! I was in tight black latex crawling through an air conditioning duct and I could see infra-red trick alarms which I would have to dodge using stealthy acrobatics taught to me by an ancient Jujitsu master in Tibet. And part of this whole espionage for me was about avenging my masters death. Ruthless drug-embezzling barstards! You will pay!! He brought me up like a father!! Me and Agent Kevin will make you sorry! Dojo Xiang-Chen I will avenge you! With honor! I love you my dear teacher!

I realised I was staring off into space. Apparently there are cultures on this planet who consider this a sign of rudeness so I stopped fantasising and reluctantly returned my attention once again to Kevin. But as a compromise I still pretended to be wearing black latex.

THE KEVIN FACT FILE
AGE: 63
STATUS: Separated with two children.

FAVORITE SONG: None in particular but likes the sounds of John Farnham

FAVORITE MOVIE: Die Hard. (Suddenly the espionage fantasy didn’t seem so inappropriate and I was sure Kevin too had been fantasising.)

FAVORITE YEAR OF LIFE: 1999. WHY: In this year Kevin was apart of the team behind designing and installing the computer systems used in the running of the Olympic Games. Computer equipment used in events such as the regatta and triathlon was all thanks to our man Kevin.

GOAL FOR NEXT 12 MONTHS: To retire.

SOMETHING THAT EXCITES KEVIN IS: Designing and getting involved in ideas.

SOMETHING THAT PISSES KEVIN OFF IS: People not wanting to pay you for the work you’ve done.

A BELIEF KEVIN WOULD INSTILL IN PEOPLE IF HE HAD THE POWER OF BRAINWASHING IS: To be yourself.

A QUESTION KEVIN DECIDED TO ASK ME WAS… "How is this whole thing working out for you?"
ANSWER: It’s interesting. I’m wondering why on Earth I’m doing this.. but it’s still fun so I’m going to keep doing it.

THOUGHTS WHEN I INITIALLY ASKED HIM FOR COFFEE: That I wanted something and that I was probably going to give him a little card with a religious message on it.

THOUGHTS AFTERWARDS: That it was good to meet me.

OTHER THINGS YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT KEVIN!:
*Kevin looks like newsreader Kevin Crease.
*Kevin had an operation 6 months ago which prevented a heart problem that both his mother and sister died of when they too were exactly 63 years of age! Freaky!
"Well that was lucky!" I said. "Looks like you won!"
Kevin looked at me.
I suddenly realized what I’d said was in poor taste. I’d basically made fun of his dead family. Shit. What was he going to do? Suddenly he began to open his mouth. Oh no! Was he going to yell at me?! Cry?! Have a go at MY dead family. I just wouldn’t cope if he started on my beloved Dojo Xiang-Chen.
Luckily what came out of Kevin’s mouth was a hearty laugh and I breathed a sigh of relief.
*Kevin laughs when he should be offended.
*Kevin’s son has just moved to Adelaide.
Ahoy Kevin’s son, we people of Adelaide welcome you to our lands!

I left Kevin and my new imaginary leotard behind feeling quite positive. This was becoming a lot of fun. Yes maybe it was still an odd thing to be doing, but who cares! It’s positive, it’s fun and maybe it’s even encouraging a sense of trust and community in the city. And that surely is a good thing particularly when you don't consider other people as 'victims' on any level.

Until Next Time,
Mark and Kevin