No.7 PAUL

Last week I found this T-shirt!

In a shop I mean. Not on the ground or on someone’s washing line.

I was trying to meet strangers and here was a T-shirt that said ‘World Without Strangers.’

At first it upset me deeply!! I didn’t want a ‘World Without Strangers!’

How could I do this project if there were no freakin’ strangers for me to have freakin coffee with!!

"World Without Strangers?" Bah! Someone was obviously trying to ruin my life and happiness by trying to create peace and love on Earth. I would have to find them and kill them. It was the only way I’d be content. I felt like a crusader! I was like Skeletor fighting the evil forces of He-man!
Hahahahahahaaaaaaa!

And it was after that maniacal gay laugh that I realised I was completely crazy.
I was no Skeletor. I did want peace and harmony and all those nice things. I was He-man!! Actually considering my scrawny physique I was more like "World Vision Boy."
But though my body wasn’t as big as Heman's, my heart sure was!
So I embraced the "World Without Strangers" shirt and came to a realisation that my project was really an ambassador for this way of thinking. I realised that by buying strangers coffee I WAS making a "World Without Strangers."
I was actively taking a stand in the sort world I wanted to live in. Suddenly I felt this whole project had purpose now.
Before it felt weird. It was still weird, but now I felt like I had a greater picture. I couldn’t wait to approach my next stranger. And you wouldn’t believe it.. it was far easier than you could imagine. Because rather than approaching them…my next stranger approached me! Brilliant!

I was in Hudsons Coffee and had just sat down in one of the comfy chairs.
I was very happy with myself at scoring a comfy chair and a young tall man also sitting in a comfy chair smiled politely obviously congratulating us both on our wise choice of chairs.

I turned on my laptop to do some work when the man interrupted saying he’d seen me perform my comedy act. I dug this! I think it’s a real positive thing to acknowledge a stranger you know or know something about! Why not? You’re bound to get a favorable response.
Unless of course your acknowledgement is based on something like "I’ve been stalking you and have seen you naked." Or "I’ve kidnapped all of your children."
Or "I’m your brother," when they already know you are their brother as they see you every second day thus making the acknowledgement quite redundant.

It turned out the man, whose name was Paul, was up for a bit of a chat. We got into a lengthy discussion about comedy and apprenticeships and travelling and older women and my anger over how the song ‘Sarah’ by ‘Eskimo Joe’ sounds annoyingly similar to the theme song from ‘Never Ending Story!’
It dawned on me Paul would be a great candidate for ‘Can I Get You A Coffee.’
But I liked the randomness of the conversation without it having to be apart of the project and I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be up for it.
So I decided to leave it.
But then I noticed he had a book called "How to Make Friends and Influence People," which he said he was reading because he wanted to broaden his social network.
What was I thinking? Of course I had to ask him! Who more perfect than a guy who actually wanted to meet new people!? It was as if there was a giant NEON sign with the words "MARK TRENWITH’s SOMEWHAT WEIRD PROJECTS AND IDEAS WELCOME HERE!" pointing to his head.
So I introduced him to the world of "Can I Get You A Coffee."
So how did he respond???

Here’s the PAUL fact file! THAT’S HOW!

AGE: 26
STATUS: Seeing Someone.
FAVORITE SONG: JJJ music
FAVORITE FILM: Departed/Bad Boy Bubby
FAVORITE BOOK: The Hobbit
FAVORITE YEAR OF LIFE: 1999. WHY: Because it’s a Prince Song.
No not really. Because it was his first year out of high school and it provided him with a feeling of independence and grownupness.
(Disclaimer: ‘grownupness’ most likely not a word.)

GOAL FOR NEXT 12 MONTHS: To develop a bigger group of social friends and complete the next level of his apprenticeship as an electrician.

I realised I was actually helping Paul achieve his goal!! Some of you must be wondering if I had suddenly made plans to go off and complete an electricians apprenticeship, start my own business and then employ Paul. No. Way to easy.
No I’m talking about the other goal. Just by interacting right then and there I was actually expanding Paul’s social group. I felt proud! Then I realised it was he who had approached me. All I did was sit down. He was achieving his own goal there.
Looks like I’ll be doing that apprenticeship after all.

SOMETHING THAT EXCITES PAUL IS: Fishing.

I’d never considered fishing to be exciting. Mm. Obviously Paul knows something I don’t.

SOMETHING THAT PISSES PAUL OFF IS: His ex-girlfriend.

A BELIEF PAUL WOULD INSTILL IN PEOPLE IF HE HAD THE POWER OF BRAINWASHING IS: To cease worshiping money so much. It is the route of all evil to Paul.
I disagreed. I thought Skeletor was a far more evil adversary. I’d never seen a bunch of 5 cent pieces try to defeat He-man. But I decided not to press the issue.

OTHER THINGS YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT PAUL

*Paul doesn’t find a Tyranosaurus Rex who lives on Jupiter but wants to kill you as threatening as a mosquito who lives on Earth.

*Paul was in the Army

*Paul was in Amway.

I realised both these institutions sounded quite similar. I wondered if the reason he was no longer apart of either was because one day he got the two mixed up and tried to attack some Turkish soldiers with some cleaning products and lunchboxes. Or worse knocked on some old ladies door and then accidentally shot her with a rifle.

*Paul used to work at the same place as my Dad.
(Most probably the reason he quit.)

I was really happy with this interaction despite the fact it wasn’t the conventional way I came across my strangers! And then later that night I was overjoyed to find he had emailed me! I thought he was supposed to be out at dinner with his girlfriend??
I liked to think that he had stood her up to email me. Or better, that they were still on the date and that sending me an email was making them somewhat more aroused.
Paul had emailed with an answer to a profile question he’d forgotten to tell me! I thought that was fantastic! Paul had just gone from great to brilliant in my eyes! He also said he’d looked at my site and asked me if I wanted a beer!
Of course I bloody wanted a beer! I love beer!
I was so excited that my giant Pumba doll fell off my desk and knocked wine all over my computer!
Shit! I was going to be screwed! So I tried to drain my computer by holding it upside down, letting the wine spill out!!
Then the space bar stopped working!! Shit! Crap! Balls! Luckily it’s fine now which I guess is obvious or you wouldn’t be reading this. And now I get a little bit drunk every time I use my computer thanks to the aroma of wine that gets released every time I tap on the keys. So I better end this entry here before I come on to you, say something rude about your mother or jump on the table and start dancing to Bon Jovi with my pants down. I'll leave you with that vision.

Until next time,
Mark and Paul.